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It’s just like posting an inaccurate photo of yourself; sooner or later people are going to realize that’s not the real you, throwing your chances of a long-term relationship out the window.4.

Don’t write a novel: Just as you don’t want to have too sparse of a profile, you also don’t want your profile to be a novel.

I liked messages that were personal but not creepy personal, like the messages in which men would describe in gross detail how we’d live our lives together based on what they read in my profile.

There’s something to be said about keeping your introductory message brief and casual.

I used to think this was shallow advice, but it all comes down to honesty.

One of the men I met through an online dating site thanked me for looking exactly like my photos because one woman he went on a date with ended up gaining a significant amount of weight since the photos she posted were taken.

Don’t you both deserve to have your profiles read carefully and thoroughly?

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Most people can agree they don’t like scalding hot coffee, but it’s tough to get people to agree on how they do like their coffee. Obviously men do this as well; I’ve just heard this complaint more frequently from men than from women.

I was excited to see some great conversation happening in the comments of my piece “The Top Three Mistakes Men Make in Online Dating.” Both men and women shared their experiences with online dating and debated over the mistakes and fixes I offered in the piece. How do you reconcile a trillion different preferences in order to offer men advice on what to do to be successful with online dating? All I can do is set some parameters and offer my advice based on my own experiences and hope that it helps at least a few guys out there.

Throughout it all, what became most apparent during the discussion is that men didn’t want a “don’t” list. What they really want is some advice on what I hesitated to even write this piece because what people like is far more subjective than what people don’t like. To that end, this is my list “to do’s” for people (yes, people, not just men) who are trying to find a long-term partner using an online dating site:1.

This was my introductory message strategy: I read your profile and really like that [insert a hobby, activity, job – something you liked about that person that made you think they might make a good match for you]. If you get a chance, please take a minute to read my profile to see if you’d like to get to know me as well.

So what are the elements of this message that appealed to me?

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